Dating is hard and coming back home from a date confused is probably even harder. The thing is, when on a date, we each put forth our best efforts, sometimes trying to hard and sometimes trying to be so relaxed that we don’t appear to be trying at all. In the world of dating, knowing the meaning behind particular actions, phrases and gestures becomes a sort of science – where we become obsessed with the close examination of the most miniscule of things in order to find out if the other party has the same feelings we do. Enter Bad Swami, a man who dishes out the juice on what Desi men really mean when they say, “I’ll call you”. We can always rely on Bad Swami to dish out the most honest and useful tips imaginable in the South Asian Dating scene.
Dating is no easy feat. We all have a tree in our backyard that we have stopped to admire, and then bang our head on after a bad date. I realize it can be very frustrating for you gals to decipher what we guys are saying during the dating process. What does it all mean? What is the true status of your relationship? Never fear, your Bad Swami is here to help you decode these mysterious phrases, and offer up relationship guidance. Let a man’s man, a stallion among stallions, a male specimen with truckloads of je ne sais quoi (among those possessing only handfuls of je ne sais quoi) walk you through some of these phrases in detail, and give you the unvarnished truth about what they are likely to mean, and what you should do next to save your sanity.
“I’ll call you.”
What it means: He’s “bookmarking” you, i.e. hoping you’ll just wait for him to call. If he wants to call you, he’ll call you. I certainly don’t announce to anyone that I’m going to the bathroom, I just go. Similarly, if he’s going to call you, he’ll just do it. If he doesn’t call you within a week or two, he’s not interested enough for you to worry about.
What to do: Can you call him? Sure you can, but dating hasn’t evolved to the point where men and women are equals, although it should have by now. What I’m saying is that he’s probably not waiting by the phone for you to call and if he is, I’m not sure he’s worth pursuing. Continue socializing and going on other dates. I think women need to learn to keep seeing other people until they find someone who wants to be exclusive.
“I’m not looking to get married right now.”
What it means: This line is pretty straightforward…don’t try to polish this turd into something that it’s not. If your clock is ticking (or your parents and aunties are all breathing down your neck about your heretofore nonexistent shaadi), shift your focus to someone else and don’t waste your time with this guy. His comment could mean that he is a terrified little boy, pooping himself with commitment issues, or he could just mean that he wants to take it ‘waaary, waaary’ slow. Either way, the big mistake is to think that he will be so overwhelmed by your awesomeness that he will change his stripes, and move into marriage mode within a few dates. This makes me think of that great song by Madeline Peyroux, “Don’t Wait Too Long.”
What to do: Be candid about your intentions. If you want to get married relatively soon and you are not up for a 10-year, “make-up-your-freakin’-mind” boyfriend, tell him. If this scares him, good. Enjoy watching him go from brown to white while asking the waiter for the check. Better to find out now than later.
“I’m tired and have to get up early so I better get going.”
What it means: This date has become tiresome and he’s ending it before you do. Perhaps you waxed poetic about your love of Abhshek Buchan’s unshaven hotness just a bit too long. Perhaps you talked about clothing and shopping until his head slowly dropped into his raita. Either way, it’s probably too late to salvage the evening.
What to do: Agree with him with a smile that you should go home too. And if he doesn’t call back fairly soon after the date (and he probably won’t), it’s time to move on to the next hunky Hrithik Roshan look-alike.
“I need space.”
What it means: This means that the relationship is progressing faster than he wants. It could be that you are pushing for a permanent commitment too hard. Or it could be that he the relationship has reached a point where he feels that it has reached the critical point of ‘marriage or break-up’.
What to do: You can step off a bit by reducing the texting, emailing, Skyping, and phone calling for awhile. Also, don’t eagerly answer his every attempt at communication. Do your own ‘thang’, and forget about him for a while. If he responds well and comes back around, you can continue moving forward with him, albeit a bit more slowly and cautiously. If he disappears, it’s time to move on. If he tries to pursue you after you’ve moved on, don’t go back. Some guys only want what they can’t have so if you go reconnect, he’ll turn as cold as kulfi, and start whining about his space again.
I probably have not said anything in this article that you didn’t already know. However, I’ve always found that it is good to have reminders, especially in an area where emotions are high and we are often tempted to behave irrationally. You are smart for reading the advice of others who have gone before you so that you may swim to safety in their tears instead of drowning in your own. Relationships are tough, but you are tougher. Happy dating!